An exciting job opportunity popped up this week for anyone who can bring two buckets of knowledge to the table: first, fascinating facts aplenty about the Cheshire village of Holmes Chapel; and second, everything there is to know about Harry Styles.
Now I - like most of you I’m guessing - tick one of those boxes straight away.
Indeed, my Year Six school project on the history of Holmes Chapel was widely acclaimed by both me and Mrs Bourne. I know my way around the maze that is Holmes Chapel Comprehensive School. I have my own anecdotes about the Fortune City Chinese restaurant. I can review a Mandevilles iced bun.
And I can direct you to the Twemlow Viaduct without needing to use the narrow footpaths on the busy A535, just nip down the Hermitage Drive and walk along the River Dane. Actually, I did another school project on the River Dane, which could be used as a jumping off point for a nice discussion about oxbow lakes.
But, alas, my Harry Styles knowledge is somewhat lacking. I mean, I wrote a f*ck load about One Direction back in the day, but all I really remember about that now is the crazy range of 1D merch, which saw the group’s logo stuck on pretty much any product you can imagine. Oh, that and the Larry Stylinson conspiracy.
And as for Harry Styles’ solo career, well, I did watch about 48,906 TikTok videos soundtracked by ‘As It Was’ last year. But I think he’s published by Universal Music Publishing, so I’m assuming they’re all gone now.
So, basically, I gathered you all here today to count myself out of the running for this job. Even though I grew up in Holmes Chapel, long before it was the hometown of a global pop star.
But if you happen to tick both those boxes, the Holmes Chapel Partnership is currently recruiting a person to lead an all new official Harry Styles walking tour around his hometown.
The community group is seeking to capitalise on - and better organise - the thousands of Harry Styles fans who have visited Holmes Chapel to see the school that their hero attended (Holmes Chapel Comprehensive School), the restaurant next to his childhood home where he once took Taylor Swift (The Fortune City), the bakery where he used to work (Mandevilles), and the alleged site of his first kiss (the Twemlow Viaduct).
“Do you have a flair for storytelling and enjoy meeting new people?”, the official job ad asks. “Do you have a genuine interest in Holmes Chapel with a good knowledge of its history, including Harry Styles and his roots here? If so, we have the perfect job for you!”
By the way, if you’ve got the Harry Styles knowledge covered, but need to brush up on your Holmes Chapel history, I know a garage in the village where there’s a box full of nonsense including an excellent Year Six school project that could be exactly what you need.
Although if, on balance, this job probably isn’t for you, here are some more of this week’s funny and silly music news stories for you to check out instead.
